Writing a eulogy is one of the most meaningful things you can do for someone you have lost. It is also one of the most difficult. If you are reading this, you are likely facing the challenge of putting into words what someone meant to you and others—often while grieving yourself.
This guide will walk you through how to write a eulogy that honors your loved one, supports those who are mourning, and feels authentic to who you are.
What Is a Eulogy?
A eulogy is a speech given at a funeral or memorial service that celebrates the life of the person who has died. It typically includes:
- Who they were (their personality, values, and character)
- Stories and memories that illustrate who they were
- Their impact on family, friends, and community
- A message of comfort or hope for those grieving
A eulogy is not a biography or a list of accomplishments. It is a tribute that helps people remember, grieve, and celebrate together.
How Long Should a Eulogy Be?
Most eulogies are 3 to 5 minutes long when spoken aloud, which translates to roughly 500 to 800 words. Some services may allow for longer speeches, but shorter is often better—especially when emotions are high.
If you are unsure, ask the officiant or funeral director about timing expectations.
Step-by-Step: How to Write a Eulogy
1. Gather Your Thoughts and Memories
Before you write anything, spend time reflecting:
- What are your favorite memories of this person?
- What made them unique?
- How did they make people feel?
- What values did they live by?
- What lessons did they teach you (directly or by example)?
You might also ask family members and friends to share their memories. This can surface stories you had forgotten and make the eulogy feel more complete.
2. Choose a Central Theme or Message
The best eulogies are not random collections of stories. They have a through-line—a central idea that ties everything together. This might be:
- A defining quality (their generosity, humor, resilience)
- A role they played (the family peacemaker, the adventure seeker)
- A phrase they often said
- A value they embodied
Having a theme helps you decide which stories to include and keeps the eulogy focused.
3. Write an Opening That Sets the Tone
Start by acknowledging the gathering and setting expectations. You might:
- Thank people for coming
- Introduce yourself and your relationship to the deceased
- Acknowledge the difficulty of the moment
- Hint at what you want to celebrate
Example opening:
"Thank you all for being here today. For those who do not know me, I am [Name], and [Person] was my [relationship]. Standing here is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I am honored to share some words about someone who meant so much to all of us."
4. Share Stories and Memories
This is the heart of the eulogy. Choose 2-3 stories that illustrate who this person was. Good stories:
- Show their personality in action
- Are specific and vivid
- Connect to broader qualities or values
- Can be understood by people who knew them well and those who did not
Avoid stories that are too inside-jokey, embarrassing, or require a lot of context.
5. Acknowledge Their Impact
After the stories, step back and reflect on what this person meant to you and others:
- How did they change your life?
- What will you carry forward from knowing them?
- How did they make the world better?
This is where the eulogy shifts from celebration to meaning.
6. Close With Comfort or Hope
End the eulogy in a way that provides comfort. You might:
- Share a final message to the deceased
- Offer a thought about their legacy
- Include a meaningful quote, poem, or prayer
- Express hope for those grieving
Example closing:
"Mom, thank you for everything. For the sacrifices you made that we never knew about, and the ones we did. For believing in us when we did not believe in ourselves. Rest now. We will carry your love with us always."
What to Avoid in a Eulogy
- Do not air grievances or family drama. A funeral is not the place.
- Do not make it about yourself. Keep the focus on the deceased.
- Do not speak ill of the dead. Even if the relationship was complicated, focus on what can be honored.
- Do not try to be too funny. A little humor is fine, but the tone should be respectful.
- Do not wing it. Write it out and practice, even if you do not read word-for-word.
Tips for Delivering the Eulogy
- Practice out loud several times before the service.
- Bring a printed copy even if you mostly know it by heart.
- Speak slowly. Nerves make people rush.
- Make eye contact with the audience when you can.
- It is okay to cry. Pause, take a breath, and continue.
- Have a backup. Ask someone to step in if you cannot continue.
Start From an Example
Writing a eulogy from scratch is hard. Starting from an example can help you find the right structure and tone. Browse our eulogy examples for templates you can personalize.
Each example includes the full text, and you can adapt names, stories, and details to make it your own.
Writing a eulogy is an act of love. It does not have to be perfect—it just has to be true. Take your time, speak from the heart, and trust that your words will honor the person you have lost.